Sooooo i was laying in bed earlier just thinking, and reflecting over how much i've actually changed since last year. And i've changed in mannnnnnny areas. for oneeeee, i was so very,very needy and yuck that's a terrible trait. Without sounding mmm horrible, but i know that i am pretty but i'd always have to ask a million times if i look okay, even though I know I do i'd still need reassurance cause I liked hearing it.  With guys, one in particular i'd always question him and I always had to hear from HIM that he cared about me. Usually it wouldn't get to the point of being THAT bad, butttttt since he wasn't always honest it did. I ended up pushing people away with that along with being really confusing. Like, i lost a really good friend, and a couple people that i really did care alot about. Again the same one in particular (and i'm not writting about him because i miss him) but i'd always tell him that I loved him, cause I thought I did and maybe I did , then I'd be like "oh well, you know we don't work out so I don't think we should have anything." And I did that jusssst so he would re-assure me that he did love me. And he would, until one day he just got sick of it I guess. Probably a good move on his part... I wish we were still close, we talk, but we're barely friends. I was just using him as an example. Even if the chance rolled around I'd never go back with him, ever ever, ever ever,ever,ever again.

Anyway, my head still isn't on completely straight. and It sucks because I really am a good person, I think I have a big heart and I really am genuine... But i'm just not girlfriend status right now. I don't know. I don't know what I want. I've hurt people and It makes me feel soooo shitty cause I never meant to. I have a tendency of playing games, and I don't mean to, and I neeeeed to change that. Cause i've lost some really nice guys. I cared about all of them, seriously. But it just didn't feel right, and until something feels right i won't give 100% of myself. A friend was really angry at me a while back and was telling me I was a horrible person and blablablah, and that really hurts you know, when someone you love says something like that, and he had told me something like, "you'll always be the girl that has a million guys on your dick, and you'll never be happy because you won't want any of them but it'll feel good at the moment because you have the satisfaction of knowing that people want you." And it made me feel really horrible because if someone read that it'd make me seem like a bitch,or selfish, or shallow. and I'm not. Buttttttt, i'm changing more and more into the person I really am. I've made mistakes and I cant take them back and I probably wouldn't because making mistakes builds character, and it's making me into the person I am today, and I'm happy with every single part of myself from my head to my toes. :)

i'm looking forward to it, i'm really trying to change some of my ways and become a better person.

anyway it's weird, every summer i always meet some guy that i'm with on and off for like a year. I don't know if I want that to happen, because I kinda have my eye on someone nowww. But i'm telling you it always happens. the last two summers were the besttttt, i met so many new people, and soo many new friends, and made good memories and TERRIBLE ones that I wish I could take back! but for the most part they were all good. i had so many people wrapped around my little fingers, and i loved it. but that's the part i'm trying to change. I do lie, and I do lead people on and I don't do it intentionally, but it happens. i'm really the sweetest girl ever, and I'll do anything for anybody, and all I really want is to be happy with one person,thats all. Like I said I kinda am 'with' someone right now, I don't wanna say too much and make them upset D: but I dunnoooooooo. Maybe this summer i'll just do it like a guy and get mad a.

hahahaha :B


oh oh! I'm going to Texas in july to see my friend who i've known for the longest, seriously what a nice guy, and so cute too. i'm super,super excited!

sgfsgjagjasgk!

it's always nice to get compliments, but after like the millionth time a day it gets kind of old. Godddddddd, i don't know, every guy i talk to just isnt deep! like this is the converation
them: your so cute
me: awh thanks
them: your beautiful and pretty blahblahblah
me: thanks
them: so when am i gonna see your cute face again
me: soon


haha i dont know, i just need something DEEPERRRR~(#)*#(

(2 Points) My name:
(6 Points) When is my birthday:
(4 Points) Who am I in love with:
(5 Points) Where did we meet:
(4 Points) Take a stab at my middle name:
(3 Points) How long have you known me:
(2 Points) Do I smoke:
(2 Points) What is my one regret:
(3 Points) Do I drink:
(2 Points) What nationality am I:
(3 Points) Do i use drugs:
(1 Points) Do I have any siblings?
(2 Points) How many:
(2 Points) If so, what is their name(s)?
(1 Point on opinion) Am I cute?
(2 Points on memory) Have we ever gotten drunk together?
(3 Points) Would I ever have a one-night-stand:
(1 Points) What do I think of myself:
(2 Points) Am I innocent:
(2 Points) Am I taken:
(3 Points) If so by who, if not whos the ex:
(2 Points) What's one of my favorite things to do:
(3 Points) What's my favorite type of music:
(4 Points) Am I shy or outgoing:
(1 Points) How many people have I been "in love" with:
(3 Points) Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules:
(2 Points) Have you ever hugged me:
(3 Points) How many people have I dated:
(5 Points) Have you ever kissed me:
(4 Points) What is my father and mother's name:
(4 Points) Do you miss me:
(4 Points) Do you think I miss you:
(3 Points) Have we talked on the phone:
(4 Points) Have you ever had a crush on me:
(4 Points) If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be:
(5 Points) Who do I like right now:
(5 Points) Where do I shop:
(3 Points) What  is my favorite color:
(3 Points) What is an accomplishment of mine:
(5 Points) Have i ever said anything 2 make you happy:
(3 Points) What is my worst habit:
(3 Points) Have we ever had sex:
(3 Points) Am I a righty or a lefty:
(5 Points on creativeness) If I were stranded on a desert island, what would I bring:
(5 Points) If someone asked you to describe me in 2 sentences, what would they be:
(1 Points) Am I single or taken:
(1 Points) If so by who, if not whos the ex:
(3 Points) What school do I go to:
(3 Points) What is my favorite animal:
(3 Points) What about my personality stands out:

i wonder how many people read this nonsense

yay for no sleep


seriously lasy ngiht consisted of

gorgeous people + way too mcuh alchol + drugs + lov eof my lifeeeeeee

=

sloppy mess ahah


no ilove my life

when everything is in doubt ill be there for you because youre my everything i love you and i'd do anthting for you?

You'rehimright??

BAH OK i was talking to this kid for like two weeks k? and i always thought he was really cute, and we were at the point of having 'liking' eachother, but like everything just stopped and we drifted, i guess it was kind of my fault, as it always is hahaha. but i saw this picture of him,and well he's PERFECT. he has his shirt off and his nips are perfect, his face is kjgkdjkgajg and like he has the cutest tattoos. oh god, i really hope he doesnt see this and know it's him haha. he's so hot though, i'm gonna try to get with that again (:



ps, go ahead and think 'but you recently wrote something about a guy you really cared for.' Well that ship is on it's way out, and yes i doooo care, i will NEVER trust him though, and how could you ever want to be with someone you could never trust? i finally see that